Just a thought: Things my mother always told me...

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My mother always told me, “When you wash your hands in the sink, the dirt is supposed to wash down the drain, not be wiped on the towel.” My mother generally told me this in an agitated voice, obviously upset because the hand towel by the sink was covered in dirt and had to be put in the wash again.

She couldn’t understand how a young man who seemed to always have dirty hands could not learn that the object is for the dirt is to go straight from his hands down the drain. The towel was for drying, not for cleaning. What she said made sense, but I guess I was either a slow learner or was always in a hurry to get on to my next endeavor.

Sunday is Mother’s Day. Several years back I bought a spiral book by Carolyn Coats that is titled “Things Your Mother Always Told You But You Didn’t Want to Hear.” It is packed with wisdom that has been shared by mothers. If I asked you, “What are some things your mother always told you?,” it would be fun to hear your responses.

Much of who we are today is a direct result of our mothers and what they have taught us. I always get a kick out of those big tough muscular professional football linemen who look like they can end the average person’s existence with one big step. They often have small petite framed mothers who they tower over. Although these fierce linemen cause those on the other side of the line to shudder, all their mother has to say (as in the old commercial) is, “Junior, finish your soup!” and the giant lineman melts and says, “Yes, mom.”

There is just something about mothers. Before we outgrow them, they teach us core principles about life. I understand that a vast majority of a person’s makeup is determined before age four. Although the traditional family structure with stay home moms is less and less, there is still just something important about how a mother sows into her children.

I thought I would share with you some of the “mother always told me’s” from the book:

“Do unto others as you would have done to you.” I don’t know how any child can be raised without being told this countless times by their mother. This a simple but important concept for each child (and for us adults). The Golden Rule needs to be committed to memory. I can’t tell you how many times I heard this one from my own mom, yet it is still good advice today.

“Always wear clean underwear; heaven forbid you should have an accident.” This one has always made me wonder. If I were in an accident, whether or not I had clean underwear would seem to be the least of my worries. I always thought that if I had clean underwear before the accident, it is not likely that it would be clean after the accident. I never argued, I just had to trust Mom on this one.

“In every trouble there is a blessing.” It is always darkest just before it starts to get light. The question isn’t whether or not trouble will occur in our lives, experiencing trouble is part of living. The only questions are “When will it arrive?” and “How will I handle it when it does?” Sometimes it isn’t easy to find a blessing in trouble, but looking for positives can sure change a person’s approach to the world.

“Be cheerful! Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.” This could go along with the one I grew up with “A smile is just a frown turned upside down.” It takes so little to have a good attitude...and attitude controls everything. We don’t control the face we were given, but we can control the look on it.

“Always speak the truth and you’ll never be concerned with your memory.” I never heard this one growing up, but I have heard it many times in my capacity as a lawyer talking to witnesses. The truth is the truth, it is quite simple. Making up stories can lead to all sorts of problems as, once one is created, it is hard for a person to remember what he previously said.

“If you lie down with dogs, you’ll get up with fleas.” Mothers know that those her child chooses as friends will impact her child immensely. Good choices in friends will minimize the temptations children will experience. As children grow older, they will decide who to “hang” with. If a child stays away from dogs, he is not likely to end up with fleas.

“There is no right way to do the wrong thing.” If it is the wrong thing, it is the wrong thing. There is no way to make a wrong thing a right thing. This simple truth that is often wandered away from.

“Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” I like this one. There is something about keeping a child busy. I was kept busy with programs and activities that for the most part I enjoyed. Church youth group, baseball, basketball, jobs around the house, it seemed that there was always something going on. My parents made sure their kids didn’t have idle hands.

“People who live in glass houses, should never throw stones.” I grew up with “Judge not, lest you be judged.” Either way, we have got to check ourselves. It is so easy to be critical of others. We look outward instead of inward. It is the principle, “We judge others by their actions, we judge ourselves by our intentions.”

“You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.” We are back to the “be nice” rules. I am not sure why I would want to catch flies or who was the first one to try this concept out, but nevertheless, it was not for me to ask “Why?” I do remember my mother always teaching me that nice was better than “not nice.”

“Two wrongs don’t make a right.” When I was young I always listened to this one. But when I got to my smart aleck phase I would always respond, “But two Wrights once made an airplane!” I hope no child is reading this, but if so, I should share that I generally did not like what followed next after my smart aleck response.

“The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention.” I was taught to be a person of action. Intentions are good, but the Good Samaritan would not be remembered today if he had only had good intentions. Good deeds are what turn the world.

“Use the talents you possess; for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except the best.” I never heard this one growing up, but it is good wisdom for all children. Each child has talents and gifts. They need to identify and develop what they have been blessed with. A child’s talent is a terrible thing to waste.

At the end of the book the author says that the when her oldest daughter graduated from college and left home, she told her, “Carol, I want you to remember all of those things I always told you.” Her daughter yawned and said, “Yes, Mother, but maybe you’d better write them down.” Hence the beginning of the book.

My challenge to you today is from a page in the book that I first heard from my wife years after my youth, “There are only two lasting bequests we can give our children: one is roots, the other wings.”

Thank God for mothers. They are filled with such wisdom. The father may be the head of the house, but the mother is the heart of the house. And it is our mothers’ hearts that passes on to each of us truths and principles that we will carry with us for the rest of our lives, often sharing with others, “My mother always told me...”

Happy Mother’s Day to each and every mother who regularly shared the same phrases using the art of repetition to train up her child in the way he should go.

Just a thought...

Rick Kraft is a motivational speaker, a syndicated columnist, a published author, and an attorney. To submit comments, contributions, or ideas, e-mail to rkraft@kraftlawfirm.org or write to P.O. Box 850, Roswell, New Mexico, 88202 - 0850.